Don't Sweat the Small Stuff! Tips for stress-free wedding planning

The floral arrangements, the location, invitations, the guests, the food, your dramatic auntie, selecting the dress - it’s enough to make your head spin! Not to mention a global pandemic and navigating keeping your loved ones safe and while having a wedding with the level of closeness and connection you so deeply crave. Even when entrusting your day in the hands of a trained wedding planning professional, it is common to feel overwhelmed and anxious. After all - this is your big day! You want everything to be perfect, and there are no do-overs. Too much unnecessary stress removes to bliss out of your perfect day, and may bleed over into stress on loved ones and your partner. And let’s face it - no one wants to feel like they’re going crazy, or feeling dread for a day you have been looking forward to for so long!

Here’s some advice for moving through this complex process - how to stay calm during your wedding planning and how not to sweat the small stuff!

1. When your stress response is high, your body because edgy, irritated, or lethargic. No one wants to feel this way! Box breathing is one of many wonderful practices that can help calm you down in a pinch. I am not a medical professional and cannot give medical advice, but it is understood this technique can be quite useful for effective stress relief.

Step one: Exhale the air from your lungs to the count of four.

Step two: Keep your lungs empty for a count of four.

Step three: Inhale for a count of four.

Step four: Keep lungs full for a count of four

2)  In Stoic philosophy, it is acknowledged that our anxieties come from within. When we find ourselves in the midst events out of our control, we can remind ourselves that the one thing we CAN control is our response to this stress or circumstance. We can chose to be very upset, to lash out at others, to cry, to keep ourselves awake at night - or we can chose to remain unchanged, to stay positive, and to calmly work through the issue to create a viable solution, or to let things go which can truly not be changed.

“If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out this judgment now.”

- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

3) Take a break! Perhaps it seems counter productive to suggest we step away from our planning rather than to work through the issue at hand, but breaks will allow us to be more effective when we are actually working. This is especially helpful when light exercise is involved, as getting the blood flowing can be an instant mood-booster! Go for a walk, do some yoga stretches, have a cup of tea on the patio. But please, PUT THE PHONE DOWN! Emails, texts, and calls can wait until you feel mentally recharged enough to handle anything that comes up.

How to Look Your Best In Your Wedding Photos

Bride Allison straight slaying at her Rush Creek Lodge Yosemite wedding.

Embrace surprises and the unexpected

Much in life and marriage is like our wedding day. We may not always be prepared for changes or surprises, but we have to roll through every event as a strong and powerful duo. Whether that means a scheduling mishap, running behind schedule, bad weather, forgotten items or hungover groomsmen, don’t let anything spoil your attitude and the joy of your day.

Allow Enough Time  

30 min to an hour should be scheduled into the day for the bride and groom’s portraits. The longer the better, in my opinion. The portrait session can create an unexpected “scheduled” time for being (mostly) alone with your partner, and a pleasant retreat from the stimulus of the event. And so for this reason, having designated alone time will never be time wasted.

Outdoor ceremonies

Early evening light, the few hours before sundown, is fantastic for gorgeous glowing light, and reduces harsh shadows caused by high, direct sunshine. If you do not of the leisure of planning your portraits at this time - seek out some shade for soft, even light which most flatters the face.

Posture

Do what your momma told you! Stand straight! No slouching - an upright posture makes you appear healthy, strong and confident. And be sure to remind your partner, too!

Relax your mind

The emotions will be raging like a whirlwood come wedding day. A calm and present mind will not only sooth your psyche, but remove any hints of nervousness or distraction in your face once it’s time to take portraits.

Do a hair and makeup trial

This is imperative! You want to LOVE how you look, and make sure you will be presenting exactly how you envision. There are no do-overs on this day, and feeling self conscious because of a styling mishap is not something you want to look back on.

Consider Shooting a First Look

A non-conventional “first look” will be an excellent opportunity to catch the raw response to seeing your partner for the very first time. This may also be a good chance to schedule your portraits before the ceremony instead of afterwards. So, you get two opportunities to relax and put your best face forward. Highly recommend.

Show real emotion

“Fake it til you make it” should NOT apply to your wedding photos. You don’t want a plastic smile, you want looks of pure joy! Don’t focus on the photographer, focus on your partner and you won’t be able to stop smiling and laughing. Be playful with each other. You’ll love the results.

Trust your photographer

Have you considered doing an engagement shoot before the wedding? This allows you to build rapport with your photographer and getting a better feel for how to work together. Come wedding day, this should be a breeze! You should (hopefully) already know and trust one another. Follow their lead, and you will be sure to have the memories you will love for a lifetime.

Tips for your Engagement Session

I am often asked by my couples, how do I prepare for the engagement session?

This is a unique time for the couple to experience intimate and fun moments of being themselves without all the bells and whistles of the big day. I’ve compiled a list of my best engagement photo tips to ensure this unique session goes smoothly.

1. Make the session personally relevant to you. Do you two spend long Sundays on the beach with the dog? Head to the shore and bring the pooch! Are you two the outdoorsy types? Find a location and hit the trails! The chosen setting should feel calm, relaxing, and ideally include some significance to any couple. Ideas may include a similar setting to where the two meet, where leisure time is spent, or hobbies and interests. Make sure you select a location that puts you at ease and makes you feel like “home”.

2. Wear something you’re comfortable that feels authentically “you”. There’s no harm in dressing up to the nines but consider scaling it down for this session. Do hire a makeup artist or hair stylist if you do not feel comfortable styling yourself, but formal wear or gowns look out of place in engagement sessions. Think of how you would dress for a casual afternoon together, or perhaps for an evening out with your partner. But don’t forget to steam or iron your clothing before the shoot!

 3. Make a full day couple’s date including of your session. This puts you in a relaxed state of mind and in a very present and connected place with your partner. You’re already having fun with your partner! This energy will easily spill over into light hearted and happy images. You don’t want to carry the stress into the session from a long day at work, or and you don’t want to worry about rushing somewhere immediately afterwards.

4. Prepare for discomfort and know this is normal and natural. Often, one partner is more awkward whereas the other feels more enthusiastic and takes the lead. Others just freeze in front of the camera. Most people are not models, do not have model bodies, and are not used to “posing” on request. Instead, think of your session as time spent lovingly engaging with your partner, and not a “photoshoot”. Hold hands, talk about your day, enjoy the moment. When in doubt, lean in for a kiss!

5. Don’t overthink it. Let things naturally happen, and consider this session “practice” for the wedding day. If you have an exact vision for your shoot, be able to share that with your photographer. The purpose of this session is to convey who you are as a couple and create a time capsule of this unique and exciting point in your relationship. Save the formalities and production for the big day. Being yourself is the best advice I can give!

Kelsey and Ian rocking it at San Francisco Botanical Gardens

Posing Tips for Brides

One of my most frequently asked questions from my brides is “How do I pose in my photos? What do I need to do to look my best?”. Understandably, most of my clients are not professional models. Often, it can feel awkward, intimidating or embarrassing to “put on” to a camera for hours on end. The last thing any bride wants to do is be hung up these details. I’ve created a short list of what I feel are the top 5 tips on how to pose for your wedding photos or your bridal portrait session.

1 ) Angle The Body. Turning the body at a slight angle or profile is often more flattering on the figure. Women come in all shapes and sizes, but a good guideline for any body type is to not always face straight towards the camera. This reduces the width of the body and creates more depth and dimension to the silhouette. For some added curvature and natural pose, try shifting weight from one knee to the next. This pops the hips and removes any rigidity to the stance.

2) Be mindful of hands. It can feel quite anchoring to busy hands with a bouquet, a gentle tug of the dress, the fixing of the earring or the gaze towards the ring. As often as the face, an awkwardly placed or stiff hand can be a sign of discomfort or the “I don’t know what to do-s!”. These small motions are excellent at creating natural movements. Much like we mentioned in tip #1 - consider also keeping hands at an angle! Don’t believe me? Try this in the mirror! Hold your hand out next your face, palms facing the mirror, allowing the hand to take up as much space as it can. Now, tilt your hand at a 45 degree angle to the mirror. The hand appears smaller and much less of a space-consuming distraction.

3) Correct the posture. A straight spine and upright posture makes a subject appear alert, awake, healthy, energized, and confident. This can be difficult to maintain throughout such a tiring day, but this simple tip should not go ignored during your bridal portrait session. Practice in the mirror until this starts to feel less stiff of a stance.

4) Keep all expressions and movements natural. We’ve all seen that stiff and fake smile. We all want to look like we’re having fun, right?! But after too long, the face muscles stiffen and we start to look like walking caricatures of our happy selves. Let’s banish the myth we always have to smile and stare straight into the lens! Glance at your flowers or downwards in quiet serenity. Take a deep breath, and enjoy a moment of quiet bliss while thinking of your love or taking in the location. Laugh if you feel like laughing, shed a tear if you must, even do a little dance! Lose yourself in the moment and stay present.

5) Mind Over Matter. One of the most wonderful impacts of the Body Positivity movement is women from all walks of life, age, color, ability and size are able to feel empowered and beautiful just the way they are! It is normal to deeply desire looking your absolute best on your wedding day. During this great celebration, let’s throw our insecurities out the window and indulge in our dreams come true! Small nagging doubts and hangups about our physical appearance will remove us from this experience and drain our joy. Remember - YOU are someone’s fairytale come true, so be sure to extend a whole lot of extra love to yourself!